Famous Jews

Famous (bad) JewsRemember when Eliot Spitzer was Governor of New York? The Jews loved him! And Ari Fleischer? Oy such naches – President Bush’s Press Secretary, a Jew (so what his boss is a moron)! And of course we all love Jon Stuart, the host of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show. What about Sasha Baron Cohen? The Jews adored Borat! And yet… Spitzer never had a bar mitzvah and married out. Fleischer and Stuart and Cohen are also married to non-Jews. In fact, very few famous Jews, from the ones I already mentioned to Scarlett Johansen, Sarah Silverman, Amy Winehouse, Leonard Cohen, Norman Mailer, The Beastie Boys etc. are particularly, you know, Jewy. However, it seems that their fame more than makes up for it and we tend to uncritically embrace them as we would a warm knish after Yom Kippur. Unless of course they get caught ordering prostitutes, or they marry their ex-girlfriend’s children. Then we cry “Shanda Fur the Goyim!” But barring that… Jews sure do like famous Jews. What? What about Natalie Portman you ask? She speaks Hebrew so that makes her a better Jew than most of you. Now shush.

15 responses to “Famous Jews

  1. im raquel samper jewish community murcia spain
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  2. I don’t know if that JIP thing was for real, but it’s a decent idea…

    Whoever’s behind this post should take a look at spellings of famous people’s names, because they’re almost all wrong. Sacha, not Sasha; Jon Stewart, not Stuart, and I have no idea how to spell Johanssen, but I doubt it’s “Johansen.”

    Which brings me to something else that some Jewish people like, and other Jewish people pretend doesn’t exist: grammar.

    And where’s Judd Apatow? Seth Rogen? Jason Segel? Woody Allen, ok, but a more contemporary example is completely possible in this era of Jews taking back comedy movies in a big way.

  3. To be fair, Baron Cohen’s fiancee did convert.

  4. Well obviously things that famous Jewish men like: shiksa

  5. John Stewart! STEWART! It’s not funny if you don’t even know his name

  6. Oh, I can add a bunch.

    * announcing their pisses when they get up to do so

    * gin rummy

    * using anglo-saxon oaths

    * oral sex

    * making fun of other jews

    * going to the shrink

    * using every psychoactive drug known to man but being prudish about alcohol

    * gambling

    * designing ever more exotic heuristic devices for figuring out if someone’s jewish or not (e.g., don’t go by the last name, go by the first — i have never met a “glenn” and very few “scotts” who were goyish and ZERO “claudias.”

    * being able to be proud and ashamed of the same thing at the same time (money, the professions, intelligence, the arts, science, math…)

    * competing as to who has the best CPA, attorney, dentist, and physician and extra points if any are NOT Jewish

    * knowing the “secret Ashkenaz ranking system”: 1) Austrian/Swiss 2) German 3) Russian or Belo-Russian 4) French/Spanish/Italian 5) Belgian/Dutch 6) Ukrainian 7) Central Asian 8) Polish 9) Czech/Slovak 10) Rumanian 11) Yugoslav 12) Hungarian 13) the dreaded GALICIANER

    * aversion to superstitious religion but embracing of every weird superstition there is

    * baseball

    * Scrabble

    * telling stories about how bad goyish food is, even the rich goyim who serve the worst food at home of all

    * offering opinions on any subject at all

    * trying to work out whether it’s good or bad to be mistaken for Italian or Greek

    * digging that High-Church preppies now vote Democratic and caucus with Jews against White Southern Baptists

    * Even SLIGHTLY famous jews: kevin youkilis (1b-redsox), evan seinfeld (biohazard), every male porn star over the age of 50

    * Ashkenazim v Sephardim

    * Modern Jews v “Black Hats”

    * Speaking the words “cancer” and “Hitler” sotto voce

    * Living up to a lot of the stereotypes — and LIKING it!

    * Those moments with family or close friends when the conversation turns to how weird the goyim really are and then the follow on discussion of whether they’re more clownish or scary

    * brand loyalty

    * a secret admiration for Dutch Schultz

    * political discussions between left-wing and right-wing jews

    * hating Camille Paglia

    * wishing we knew more Hebrew, Yiddish and Russian

    * thinking how bizarre it is that there are less than 20 million of us and 6 billion of them!

    *….and the best thing of all: “knowing a guy who knows a guy, who….”

  7. Why no updates since April? I’m loving this blog and hope you’ll resume shortly.

    Keep up the great writing.

  8. I haven’t read this whole blog. But have you mentioned the ultimate of ultimates as far as what “Jewish people like”: Hating yourself?

  9. Or how about name-dropping blatantly anti-semitic philosophers like Nietzsche or Heidegger just to sound “hip”?

  10. I’m on a bagel here: how ’bout this one: being a “non-practicing” Jew and then making a big deal about the fact that you’re a non-practicing Jew (yet, at the same time, trying to hide the fact that you’re, in reality, making a big deal about it).

  11. Pretending that being “Jewish” isn’t almost entirely about bloodlines and being part of the tribe; religion scarcely comes into it at all, only race.

    Pretending that the Talmudic “teachings” are anything less than vicious, disgusting, paranoid ravings against everyone who is not ethnically Jewish.

    Jews are also good at preaching “tolerance” and “diversity” to whites of Western European descent, while shunning it among themselves and especially in Israel (where marriage between Jews and Gentiles is illegal). Biggest hypocrites in the world, with notable exceptions such as Michael Hoffman II and Norman Finkelstein.

  12. Someone ask me if I am italian

  13. People think I am italian

  14. MIssissippi kids need to learn how to wear a condom

  15. …. brand loyalty…!!! I love it!

    Greetings from Delray Beach, Florida!

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